And you thought Toyota only made cars.

Nope. A subsidiary has announced a way to cut the stench from composting pig manure.

Hey, SOMEONE has to do something about that smell.

So the National Pork Board gave up on calling pork the other white meat after only 24 years.

The new slogan, meant to highlight the versatility of pork, is:

I kind of like that, but you watch—in 2035, they’ll just change their minds again.

If there even is pork in 2035. By then, meat will probably be virtual. Some kind of app.

Pigs become obsolete. Herds dwindle and hover near extinction.

Our company’s name, New Pig, comes to refer to a mythical animal.

For that matter, leaks and spills are optional because we all live in the Matrix, where liquid is controlled with a few lines of code.

Rest assured … New Pig will bring you that code.

Today, our innovations are along the lines of the PIG® Absorbent Valve Wrap with Color Flare™ Technology, a breakthrough aid to maintenance that reveals oil leaks by a color change.  Because today we still live in the physical world, where pipes will sometimes fail.

After many tomorrows, when the pipes fail, we’ll be the ones keeping Neo from getting all wet like this:

… because we’ll still be Inventing For You.

A recent profile of New Pig plays up how we hit the funny bone, but it includes the important point that comedy can only take you so far in our business. Here’s one of the great quotes from Executive VP (and occasional blogger) Doug Hershey:

“We don’t take ourselves too seriously, but we always knew we had to have high quality. If we were funny and had bad products or lousy service, it wouldn’t work.”

Right on, Hersh! A great example of our serious side is our new web page The Stories Behind the Inventions, which highlights the rigorous development behind innovations such as our non-absorbent dikes and drain covers, our lids and funnels, and our containment bags and valve wraps.

Having said that all that … also check out this website dedicated to the proposition that everything should taste like bacon!

Now’s your chance to influence the menu at a minor league baseball park.

This caught my attention only because the team is named the Iron Pigs. Fans (or even random online visitors like me) get to vote on four possible additions to the “Pig Out” food lineup:

• The “Three Little Pigs” Sandwich – Feast on this: Three different types of meat featuring four strips of mouth-watering bacon, two 1/4-inch thick slices of ham and four ounces of succulent pulled pork.  A rich barbeque sauce compliments the meat that is served on a fresh Kaiser bun.
• Diggity Dog – The hot dog has been reinvented with Black Angus beef, two slices of hot-off-the-grill bacon and melted American cheese on a hearty steak roll.  Savor the taste with ultimate array of toppings including fried onion straws and barbeque sauce.
• Double Blast Burger – Imagine the double cheese-burger flipped on its head!  Two, half-pound beef patties, two slices of American cheese, French fries and coleslaw on a fresh Kaiser bun.
• Loaded Fries – French fries crammed with cheese, pulled pork barbeque, chopped bacon, sour cream, chopped tomato and heart-pounding spicy jalapeno peppers.  Don’t forget to grab some napkins!

(Okay, I’m officially drooling. Good thing I have a stack of these on my desk.)

Voting closes Friday, February 11 at 5 p.m. So click now, people, click now! Go to the bottom of this page and look for this poll:

I do try to enjoy Groundhog Day.

It’s fun. I mean, rodent celebrity? Yes!

It’s local. Groundhog Day Central in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania (or Groundhog Zero, as some call it) is only about ninety minutes from New Pig headquarters.

It means good professional jobs for animals in meteorology, cosmetology, wiring, catering, security, hospitality …

And I love the movie. (“Phil?” … “Ned?” … Punch in the face!)

It’s just that I always momentarily hear the words as “Ground Hog Day.” Ground hog … like ground beef. Yikes!

What can I say? It’s been that way since I was a piglet.

Hey, how would you feel about a holiday called “Ground Human Day”?

See? Now who’s got issues?

There’s sleet in Punxsy, PA and at New Pig today. Break out the coveralls and rainsuits! At least Phil the Prognosticator isn’t likely to see his shadow and doom us to six more weeks of winter.

… so

I

need

this

baaaaaaaaaaaad.

The Wake ‘n Bacon! Gets the strips going 10 minutes before the alarm sounds.

Wait, what? It’s only a CONCEPT for an alarm clock? Grrrrrr.

Then again, new products do have to go through the concept stage …

I’ll try to be patient.

Anything pig-related catches my eye.

Even Facebook updates.

From Skittles (see below).

Friend the Rainbow, people!

In case you haven’t been paying attention to any media whatsoever, here’s a message for you:

But only until December 5! If you want one, go now.

After that, you’ll either have to live in fear that it will never return … get by with a virtual McRib (with cool zoom feature!) … or regularly travel overseas to areas where this boneless-wonder-that-appears-to-have-bones is on the McMenu year-round.

How the poor boneless pig farmers of America survive the times that McRib isn’t offered, I have no idea.

Yes, there are boneless pig farmers. They even have an Association. Click the image below to see a video from a member.

And because I know you’re curious, here are just a few of the products you’ll find if you search “rib” at newpig.com:

Ribbed Bottom Shelf Tray

Needle-Rib™ Entrance Mat

PIG® Poly Racker

Even though I just learned about the beast below …

And though I know that it’s found only in Seattle—2,629 miles away from New Pig …

I now live in fear that it will somehow find its way to One Pork Avenue …

… and roll up and down dispensing food truck goodies while I’m trapped in a meeting! Specialties like this:

I wouldn’t get my Pulled Pork Sandwich dripping with a sweet and tangy sauce made with tamarind, honey and molasses!

No drink, no side of chips!

No Almond Shortcake with seasonal fruit and whipped cream!

What if I don’t find out that the truck was even here until it’s pulling out of sight?!

Can’t live this way. But also must … stop … self … from … reaching … for … phone … to … book cross-country flight just to have Posole & Pork with Beecher’s Flagship cheese!

Wait, what’s this I find on the truck’s web site?! The message below:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Now I’m locked out until spring!

P.S. New Piggers love all you Food Truckers out there, and we don’t want any of you to slip on water, oil, soda or other liquids in your kitchen. Work safer with PIG® Food Service Absorbents!

The University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, claims to have genetically-engineered a pig that can digest phosphorus better than other pigs.

This matters because less phosphorous in the manure of the Enviropig™ means less phosphorous reaching water supplies and killing fish.

As a swine bred in the United States without this advantage, I sheepishly admit that my office at New Pig has been retrofitted with one of these to help manage toxic emissions.

My only comment on the Environpig™ is …

There’s really a university named Guelph??