And notice how courteous he is! Well, at least at the end.

And speaking of wind in your face and getting carried away …

That arresting sound you heard last weekend wasn’t a vuvulela at the World Cup.

It was Noël Jamet of Normandy winning the annual Pig Squeal Contest in Milzac, France, for the third year in a row.

Gotta love that costume—oops, uniform? And that conqueror’s passion! Ooh la la.

He’s been training to dominate these contests for seven years. Let’s hope for his neighbors’ sake that his championship facility is lined with these.

If not, the neighbors must be equipped with these or these or these or … well, you get the idea.

Here’s an entry off the beaten path …

This weekend, I happened upon a recording of Hal Holbrook’s famous portrayal of Mark Twain. It’s double comic genius.

Then I happened to wonder about any connections between pigs and Mark Twain. I asked my buddy Google about that and was pointed to this quotation: (It’s a good one, but I gather in various sites that it’s not necessarily from Mark Twain):

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes time and annoys the pig.

Hey, we’ve all been there, right?

Anyway, I also read that Twain based the character of the noble Jim in “Huckleberry Finn” on a pig farmer—yes, a farmer of pigs— named John T. Lewis. Here, I found a picture of the two men (no pigs in sight, but a man does need to knock off work now and then):

Here’s a quote from Twain about Lewis: “I have not known an honester man nor a more respect-worthy one.”

I’m sure that Lewis treated his pigs well through to their appointed ends. Mortality in the hands of an immortal.

Hm, I could use the previous sentence as a segue to mention New Pig’s forever guarantee. But no, that would just be ham-handed.

Sheep pigs are in the news this week (see them in the picture below), and people have been asking me whether I’m related to any of these odd beasts.

And I reply, “When you look at a sheep pig, you might think ‘Is it a sheep or is it a pig?’ But look at this PIG® Form-A-Funnel® Flexible Draining Tool …

Is it a funnel?

Or is it a tray?”

And they get caught up in the no-mess-oil-draining-plus wonder that is Form-A-Funnel® and all thoughts of sheep pigs evaporate.

Usually.

Sometimes, the person persists: “So really, are you related to any sheep pigs?”

Then I look the person right in the eye and say: “Yes, in fact, my extended family does include sheep pigs.”

Then I add: “Now let’s talk about YOUR rare and special relatives. Do any of them look like this?” And I show the picture below.

This guest post is contributed by Katheryn Rivas, who writes on the topics of online universities accredited. She welcomes your comments by email.

“Bacon mania.” That’s the term news outlets have been using the past few years to describe Americans’ whole-hearted obsession with the pig product. Comedian Jim Gaffigan even has a bit about the joys of bacon (family-friendly video). Pigs are big business down here in my state of Texas, too, especially with the rodeo in town. I’d heard of a few ancillary bacon-based or -inspired products, but until I went looking for them, I had no idea there were so many outlandish offerings made from pig’s meat. Without even getting into bacon mints or bacon clothing (scented tuxedo?!), just look at the subcategory of bacon drinks:

Bacon vodka. Or, more accurately, Bakon Vodka. Released by Black Rock Spirits in 2009, this flavored liquor is one of the most well-known modern takes on the food. A Baltimore reporter wrote that it has a “meaty aroma,” which seems obvious, and Black Rock claims that it’s sold well in its local Seattle area. Of course, if you don’t feel like buying flavored liquor, you can always make your own.

Bacon coffee. This drink seems to simultaneously make more and less sense than bacon vodka. Flavored liquor is nothing new, but meat-flavored coffee? I understand that they’re both often consumed at breakfast, but just because they’re ingested in the same meal doesn’t mean that it should happen at the same time from the same cup.

Bacon beer. The drinks never end with bacon. This one’s a small stretch, too, since technically it’s a smoked beer, known in Germany as “rauchbier,” and it achieves its flavor by having the barley dried over an open flame. That smokiness can lead to a distinct bacon taste. Of the three major drinks being blended with bacon, beer seems to be the most natural fit.

There’s a saying about breakfast: Eggs are a contribution but bacon takes commitment.

Scientists may change that. They’re perfecting pork made from pig stem cells.

The results so far are squishy and a little low in protein, but promising for hot dogs.

The possible (repeat: possible) environmental benefits are eye-opening. If livestock raising could be cut way back, greenhouse gas emissions, land use and water use might drop by 95 percent.

Of course, there could be other ramifications: Health effects of eating engineered meat will be carefully watched.

At any rate, keep an eye out for specials on lab chops.

Image © Minute | Dreamstime.com

I just found the perfect gift for a few of my human friends. Yule love it, I Ked you not! Behold my discovery below.

I’ll never understand how you people walk around on those gigantic feet, but it’s fun to think of seeing some of those boats being clad as shown. Get home from a tough day  … kick off the work boots … slip on some holiday cheer!

Thank you, George Clooney!

Opens November 6. Click here for the movie site.