I still haven’t found a way to see “The Pig,” my pick for the Academy Award for Live-Action Short Film. Sigh.

But now I know more about the story! Here’s a review:

To which I say: How can anything be too Nordic and offbeat?

Early Friday morning, I talked Streaker, a Pigskin Prognosticator if ever there was one, into picking the Cardinals.

Hear me out, hear me out.

I scooted down to Savannah and got to know her. Lovely southern gal. Reminds me of Amy Grant. That’s a huge compliment coming from a pig.

She doesn’t take this picking thing seriously. “It’s harmless, it’s fun, it makes news, I do it,” she said. “Sure I’ll pick your Steelers, no problem, especially if they’re favored.”

Yeah, baby!

But as we chatted further, she mentioned that she also made a forecast last year. “Just an internal thing. No publicity.”

“Who’d you pick?”

“Patriots. Didn’t everyone?”

So if she picked the favorite again this year …

“Go Cardinals! Go Cardinals!” I said.

She looked at me. “So I’m a jinx now?” Soft but sly. Her drawl slays me.

“You’ll do it?”

“We’ll see.” That was her last word.

You can see her picking here (I couldn’t embed the video). I say she was thinking of me at the time.

After Holmes skyed for that ball, I know I was thinking of her.

My kind is referred to as “the perfect love-making machine” in this article.

I’m not flattered. What it actually means is that pigs multiply like rabbits. Two pigs on the loose in Alabama in 1997 may have become tens of thousands. They’re wrecking fields, roads, lawns …

On behalf of my people: Sorry, Alabama.

Image © Andy Dean – Fotolia.com

Hey, did you see the list of Oscar nominees?!

How about that???!

No, no, not that “Wall-E” wasn’t nominated for Best Picture. Unbelievable. But no, I mean the nominees for Live-Action Short Film!

1. Some film that’s not “The Pig”
2. Some film that’s not “The Pig”
3. Some film that’s not “The Pig”
4. Some film that’s not “The Pig”
5. And “The Pig”!

Look below! Sounds touching. Can’t wait to see it. I think iTunes will have it available soon. Watch for my four-star review!

Quiz time!

Thousands of years ago, the earliest farmers bred pigs to have all kinds of different coat colors and patterns …

A. To make pigs easier to find
B. To show how much they had improved wild pigs
C. Just because they could
D. All of the above.

Answer: D. Read about it here while I go off and try not to feel like such a plaything.

Image © Blickfang – Fotolia.com

I always loved the game “Pass the Pigs.” You use pigs as dice! I always gave mine names: Snake and Eyes.

Now I’m playing on my iPhone! Only $2.99 at the iTunes app store.

Snake! Eyes! Let’s do this thing!

Hey, EPA! Your proposed tax on animal methane STINKS!

I matter! I’m more than just a “stationary source of greenhouse gas”!

I do agree that any cow would have to be taxed at 875% my rate in that regard, but still.

Okay, okay, so maybe I do need to back off on the Chocolate-Covered Apricots from Windy City Sweets, which really do make my surroundings a Windy City if you know what I mean, but they are soooo good. Sweet, firm, chewy, mmm …

What was I talking about?

This story brings back so many memories: Running wild on a college campus …The ol’ french fries/Taser bait-and-switch … Subletting with a duck.

Good times.

“Feed the Pig” commercials like the one below have a great message: save money.

On the other hoof, some swine (cough, like me, ahem) can pull off the ambulatory, clothes-wearing thing, and some are just … kinda creepy.

Hey! I just found out that about this series of PIG books.  Here’s just one:

I’ll have to look up the PIG pig (on the cover above) at the next convention of pig mascots. I’ll approach him from the right. Get it?

P.S. In case you didn’t know, at New Pig, “PIG” stands for “Partners In Grime.” Get it??